PERTINENT INFORMATION LTD. A center for information to help businesses grow faster "Giving You Valued Information"   Susan Pilgrim, Ph.D. specializes in engaging the spirit of individuals, teams, and organizations. Breaking Bad Habits

Habits are conditioned repetitive actions we engage in without thinking. They can be beneficial or detrimental to our well-being. When the appropriate conditions present themselves, we're likely to engage in a habit, such as getting ready for work, smoking, or making judgments about others. We become just like Pavlov's dog who was conditioned to salivate at the sound of the bell even when meat wasn't present. When you're considering changing a habit, it's important to know the answers to questions like, What are the reasons I cling to this habit? What will I lose if I give it up? How will I benefit if I do something different? Some philosophers and psychologists believe we either move toward those situations that bring us pleasure, or we move away from those that would bring us pain. Often times the fear of change immobilizes us when we've made up our minds that we're going to stop or start an action. If we look closely, we may also find that we have a fear of being our best because we don't believe deep inside that we really deserve it. Some of our bad habits serve as a punishment for what we erroneously believe to be what we deserve. Changing a habit requires persistence and perseverance. Habits have usually been with us for a long time -- changing them overnight is an unrealistic expectation. Sometimes we get frustrated with our humanness -- we "fall off the wagon" and are reluctant to start again because we feel we've failed. Anything that's worth having or doing is going to take a steady investment of time, energy, and resources. There are few overnight successes -- if there are any at all. So it's important to keep your expectations realistic. If we think of our habits as bad, then we erroneously believe that we too must be bad. And, if we were good enough, we wouldn't engage in such bad behavior in the first place. We'd be able to shake any bad habit with ease. Rather than thinking of habits as being good or bad, let's think of them as unconscious choices. To develop a habit that is beneficial for us, we must make conscious choices to do so. To develop a new habit, you must consciously experience four states of mind -- awareness, knowledge, desire, and action. Awareness comes from noticing what you're doing and when and where you're doing it. For instance, let's take the habit of making judgments about another person. The what is thinking about another's actions and their reasons for them. You judge that their actions, comments, or appearance are wrong. The when is when someone mentions their name, you're having a conversation with them, or you pass by the street on which they live. In this case, the where is wherever you happen to be. Knowledge about your habit is the next state of mind to consider. What are some reasons we might judge others? Judgments about others usually come from our own insecurity. We feel we need to make others "look bad" so we'll "look good." Our judgments about others don't take away from the other person's worth. Neither do they add to our own feelings of worth. Our judgments have a negative impact on us -- we spend much time and energy attempting to diminish another person's value when we could use that same time and energy to build our sense of worth. Judgments also result from our belief that there is one right way [our way!] to do everything. If we judge another's appearance, we're assuming that there is a "right" and "wrong" way to dress and that they chose the wrong way. In the big scheme of things, what difference does it really make how one dresses? So learning about the impact that our habit has on ourselves and others is important. If we're vocal about our judgments, this habit can hurt another's feelings and reputation. It can be the source of contention between us and others. Awareness and knowledge alone will not lead to behavior change. The facts about smoking are well-known. There are still millions of smokers in our society. Desire to change our behavior must be intense and passionate. How do we generate this desire? Ask your self, "Will changing this behavior take me closer to a pleasure I seek in life? Will it take me further away from a situation that brings me pain?" If you give up judging others, you'll have more time to use your energy to get what you want. You'll feel better about your self and not be concerned about what's going on with others. Giving up this habit of judgment will take you away from negative criticisms from others because of your negative attitude. You'll find that others will want to be around you more when you shake your habit of judgment. When awareness, knowledge, and desire are evident, then it's time to act. Decide what course of Action you're going to take. On your mind's screen, picture yourself engaging in your new habit on a regular basis. This will give you "experience" and courage to move forward. Practice your new habit at every opportunity. If you miss an opportunity by acting in your old, now undesired way, recognize it. Affirm that you'll behave in your new, desired manner when the next opportunity arrives. Refrain from beating yourself up. Use validation statements to replace the verbal lashing that comes so naturally. Instead of, "There you go again. I knew you couldn't stick with it," use "I'm releasing my need to judge others. I'll refrain from judging at the next opportunity." Celebrate your successes -- even the small ones -- by cashing them in for a new golf club or a day of pampering at the spa. When faced with changing a habit, we often feel powerless to do so. This feeling of powerlessness has resulted in the success of numerous 12-step groups -- made up of people who feel there is safety and strength in numbers. Knowing that other people have "kicked" the habit is often inspirational to one who is considering doing the same. Regardless of which path to a new habit you choose, you can expect to experience some challenges along the way. Acknowledge that you deserve a habit that's beneficial. Remind your self of your commitment by using a mantra from an ancient Indian tradition of kundalini yoga: "Keep Up!" Newsletter and Ezine Resource Find exactly what you're looking for In our quest to provide you with tools and information to help you change the way you work and live, we've gathered a comprehensive list of newsletters on all aspects of business and life. The benefits are all there. Click here to go there.

A Practical Guide for Taking Gentle Control of Life Living InSync is a way of life, a way of living, a lifelong process that exemplifies the mind-body-spirit interconnectedness in life. The essence of being InSync is found in the five dimensions of life--physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual.Living InSync® means assessing and optimizing your personal power, understanding yourself and others, envisioning what you want from life, making conscious choices and pursuing goals to be the person you want to be. By assessing your personal power, you become creative, decisive and productive and can take gentle control of your life. Living InSync® offers a personalized, proactive, step-by-step approach to help you assess where you are in life, who you want to be, and where you want to go. Maintaining a balance between and within the dimensions offers you a perpetual challenge because the evolving nature of your being is dynamic and ever-changing. By responding to life's challenges in new ways and by recognizing that perfection is a static, nonexistent state, you'll experience insights about yourself and the unlimited opportunities for success and peace. You'll find that when you live InSync with yourself, you're more InSync with others and the Spirit.

Dr. Susan Pilgrim, author of Living InSync® -- Creating Your Life with Balance and Purpose (Health Communications Inc.) and Moving InSync® with the Spirit (in press), and president of Life Investments, is an Atlanta-based international speaker, business consultant, and coach. She specializes in engaging the spirit of individuals, teams, and organizations. Her work represents a unique blend of experience and education in the areas of business management, education, and psychology. She customizes programs to meet the needs of the client and designs them to increase personal, professional, and organizational productivity. Susan's committed to positively influencing the lives of those in her audiences. She encourages all who experience her work to invest in themselves so they can get what they want in life. She earned her B.S. at Presbyterian College, her M.Ed. at the University of South Carolina, and her Ph.D. at Georgia State University. Her memberships include the National Speakers Association, American Society for Training and Development, and the Georgia Society of Association Executives. Her columns appear in a number of business, health, and personal development publications. Susan Pilgrim, PhD 877.467.9627 209.825.9459/fax spilgrim@transbay.net

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