Teaching our children about spirituality is one of the responsibilities that comes with parenthood. The usual way we deal with this responsibility is to relegate it to churches, mosques, temples, and synagogues. We're reluctant to embark on the journey of spiritual matters because we feel we don't know enough about it ourselves. Yet, learning about spirituality starts at home whether it's something you do intentionally or unintentionally.
Engaging the spirit has little to do with religious leaders, buildings, credos, icons, rituals, and services. It has much more to do with recognizing that we are all human embodiments of the energy that created us--that we are all connected. Spiritual matters include learning about and honoring ourselves and each other, recognizing that we all have access to the power of love , listening to and following our inner guidance, seeking truth, and living in the present moment.
Teaching your children about spirituality is a continuous experience. The process of engaging the spirit can be effortless if we gently move with patience and openness. It requires that we let go of expectations and preconceived notions about how spiritual teachings unfold. It also requires that we stretch and move out of our familiar comfort zones. We learn and teach best through example. Here's what you can do to join your children on the journey of engaging the Spirit.
Experience the moment. Children are actually quite adept at being 'in the moment.' If they're hurt, they cry. If they find something funny, they laugh. We teach them about inhibitions through our reactions. So over time, 'being in the moment' is something we have to learn to do again. Experiencing the moment has to do with not thinking or worrying about the past or the future. Yet, we cultivate such thinking by asking What did you have for lunch today? or How will you ever make it in life if you can't even do your homework? Being fully present means your spirit is fully integrated within yourself, that you haven't loaned it out to other places, times, or people. Stay in the present when you give feedback to your children. Refrain from dragging up the past with phrases such as You never... or You always... or How many times do I have to tell you... or When will you learn...? Focus on what happened, how others are affected, what the consequences are, and what your expectations are--even if your child has engaged in the behavior before. Evaluate the consequences and confirm that you're not circumventing them so as to rescue your son or daughter from learning valuable lessons. Experiencing the moment also means that you feel the emotions -- the joys, the grief, the pride, the disappointment, and the guilt in life. Experiencing the moment is also about slowing down, taking time to notice the bird nest, the new bud of a flower, or feeding the ducks at a nearby pond.
Choose consciously. We are faced with literally hundreds of choices every day, and for every choice there is a corresponding consequence. Our choices include how we act, how we react, what we think, what we say, and what we do with our emotions. You can teach choice-making early on with questions such as Do you want to play with the blocks or the truck? Do you want to wear the green dress or the pink one? I can drive you to school today, so do you want to ride with me or do you want to ride the bus? Helping children stick to their choices is also important because they learn that consequences are a natural part of living. Teach them to remember how their choices turn out so they can use the wisdom they've gained from each experience again. Help them understand that every choice has a role in creating who it is we are.
Trust your intuition. We naturally follow our inner guidance until we learn about fear and others' expectations. Encourage your children to think for themselves, to be firm when their friends try to pull them in through coercion. Be careful with how you express your expectations. For example, I know our son is going to follow in the family tradition of becoming an attorney may lead to a lot of anxiety for your son because that mind-set ignores what he knows to be right for him. Teach your children how to sit in the quiet and little to that small voice within them that gives them guidance. Teach them about that 'gut feeling' and how to invoke it when there's a decision to be made. Help them be their own person -- not one who responds to outside pressures or one who will always please you. Encourage them to develop their individuality. Listen as they express their fears. Then ask them to consider where the fear comes from. Show them, by example, that fear only gets in our way of moving forward and that one of the best ways to get rid of fear is going ahead with the activity that we have fear about.
Nurture your self. You spend a lot of time nurturing your children which is so important in their growth and development as a human and spiritual being. It's also important that you demonstrate the necessity, importance, and benefits of nurturing your own self. Take time out. Take time off. Engage in activities that bring you pleasure. Speak of the benefits you receive from that undisturbed bubble bath or dinner out with friends or rising early to contemplate life. Encourage quiet time. Encourage resting and relaxing. Encourage individual as well as family and school activities. Expose your children to many experiences so they can choose what nurtures them.
Serve others. Early on it's important that we demonstrate the value of serving others. Take your children with you to deliver meals-on-wheels or to visit a neighbor who is ill or when you give coats to a homeless shelter. In your conversation, causally talk with them about the reasons you serve others. As they grow older, encourage them to be involved in school, religious, and community projects, such as donating canned goods, making get well cards, and singing in a chorus at a retirement home. Help them understand that when we extend ourselves for others in even small ways, we're serving others. Be clear that 'others' include their family members and friends. So, a service to a family member might be doing a task around the house without being asked. It might be doing a brother's chore for him. It might be helping to keep the yard free of debris. Serving others is also protecting the environment by using waste receptacles, picking up litter, and recycling. Keep in mind that our fundamental universal purpose in life is to positively impact the lives of others through service.
Share your gift. Each of us has gifts that are bestowed upon us for the purpose of being shared. Acknowledge your gifts, and help your children identify theirs. The gifts we're given may not be remarkable in society's terms, yet the list of possibilities is endless. Gifts could include being cheerful, sharing a sense of humor, playing the piano, drawing, writing, smiling, being compassionate. Give your children the opportunity to expand their knowledge about their gifts. Show them how their gifts can be used to serve others. Refrain from forcing your children to use their gifts in specified ways. Let the expression of the gift flow naturally with gentle guidance along the way.
Release attachments. The first attachment we experience is the umbilical cord which connects us to our mothers through which we receive sustenance and subsequently life. From the time of birth, we begin making attachments that consume our energies which eventually leads to a deprivation of energy to nurture our selves. We become attached to pleasing others, to meeting expectations, to achieving certain outcomes, to judgments, biases, and prejudices we develop. These attachments interfere with our ability to freely experience life. All of our energy gets plugged in to various thoughts and fears that are detrimental to our growth. Consider what you're attached to--perhaps, a certain level of performance in a sport or at school from your children; a feeling of appreciation from your children for all you do for them; a belief that people of a certain race or gender will always respond the same way; that all the beds must be made up every day; that towels must be folded a certain way; that one brand of clothing is superior to another. Release your attachments to a specified way of thinking, feeling, and doing things. Help your children avoid making them. Use the mantra, "Surrender. Release. Let it Go. Detach." when you find you're attached to something or someone.
Practice daily forgiveness. Unforgivenesses is a specific form of attachment. We hold on to the wrongdoings done to us by others because we don't want to forget. We erroneously believe holding on empowers us. We are ashamed and embarrassed that we've hurt someone. We fear the outcome of letting go. We want vengeance. We think holding on hurts the person who wronged us. When we keep unforgivenesses in our lives, we're only hurting ourselves. When we forgive daily, we can start each day afresh. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves so we can release the energy that is tied up in the attachment to the wrongful act. The release of that energy enables us to focus our attention on more beneficial matters. Children learn about forgiveness from watching how their parents deal with wrongs they experience. Are you still holding an unforgiveness for a neighbor who broke your lawn mower and didn't offer to pay you and who has now moved away from the neighborhood? Do you have an unforgiveness for a teacher who embarrassed you in front of the class when you were 10 years old? Do you hold an unforgiveness toward your child for a comment that was made in anger? Take some time to determine what unforgivenesses you're attached to. Teach your children to forgive themselves and others every evening before going to bed.
Reflect. Introspect. Meditate. Because of the busy-ness in the world we've created, there is little time for reflection, introspection, and meditation. We don't set aside such time because there's a long 'to-do' list beckoning our attention at home as well as at work. The family needs our attention. It's valuable to reflect on a daily basis because doing so allows us to review our actions, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and perceptions. It helps us to evaluate what went right and what went wrong. It gives us an opportunity to pray for blessings, strength, and guidance and to express gratitude for life and our experiences.
Introspection is looking within. It's comparing what we did, thought, and felt with who we truly are. It allows us to determine if our outward actions were congruent with our true essence. It gives us the time to release the attachments and unforgiveness we've accumulated during the day. It gives us the opportunity to renew our commitments to ourselves and to make changes that will more clearly reflect our oneness with Spirit. The ideal time for reflection and introspection is in the evening before going to bed.
Meditation is being quiet while focusing on the breath, a mantra, or a symbol. Mediation allows for the cleansing of the mind and the soul. It's a process by which the 'junk of the mind' is uncovered, brought forth, and disposed of. It's a way of silence. Meditation is essential for engaging the spirit of our souls. It's required for trusting ourselves and our inner guidance. Although you can meditate any time, doing so in the morning helps you prepare for the challenges that will come your way during the day. Teach your children about meditating, reflecting, and introspecting by setting aside time for these practices, showing how you practice, and by sharing how doing them benefits you.
Keep up! Engaging the spirit requires perseverance, particularly when we don't feel we're making any progress. We're always moving, although it's usually not fast enough to suit us. When we keep up, we're committing to trust the process of living and discovering the Spirit within us all. Keeping up means we help others out when it's inconvenient. It means we engage in daily practices that contribute to our spiritual well-being. It means we trust the universe to return to us in greater proportions that which we have given. It means that we honor and share our gifts. It means that we take care of ourselves so we can serve others. Keeping up means we won't give up. Keep up. Encourage your children to keep up so they can fully experience life.
So, as you can see, spiritual matters are truly every day matters. By engaging in deliberate actions, conscious thought processes, and candid emotional introspection, we can engage the power of Sprit to fill our lives and the lives of our children with energy and purpose. The choices we make send our spirits away, call them back, or nurture and empower us. Commit to your self and to your children to engage the human and divine spirits daily.
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